Dear Mother

Chicken bones salt this mesh in soup
closures and entries laugh in a joker so empty
sparkling shoes that only look expensive
friendly feet walk around my new blue house
Trousers in a pile left as is in my room
A lonely stove dusty with little use
Nothing bothers me so easily
no one to carry me
no one to marry me
no mom to bathe me in tears of joy
I became a full woman when you weren't looking
I received steel drunk archives locked in a trunk
only bloody droplets brought by resentment and regret
a pulling force shows my weakness
Breathe mother, live for me, so I don't need to live for both of us
how can I be so full in wrath and beauty?
when your womb only taught me resourceful cruelty
I hear you dying; I resent your crying,
and I die along your drowning river
I change my ways those days you love me so much
or make me feel guilty for taking my life in in full
You want me to waste away with you
and you scream when I refuse to
I walk around my happy home
cheery with the unforgiving sun among the clouds
I watch the night welcome me in whispering calm
a clammy day rests in my sweet abode
Looks are deceiving
you'll never understand
where my misplaced stone stare lays
because it needs to be that way
or else you will cut me by the root and suck me dry
of everything I've built on my own after you died inside
Let me go to be my own caretaker
Try to be half the way I pictured you from my crib
The way I remember you waving smiling
As I rode away in the scary school bus
Smiling
As I reached your suffering hug
After three years without its unmistakable scent
Sobbing I realize
I cant adopt a mother broken in two
I love and I hate the things you put me through
And I forgive as your hazel eyes squint so lost
When no man has ever taken your beauty
for the realness it was
your ash hair and freckled skin in innocent surrender
You never learned or forgot how to love tender forever
Try a little harder
So I don't need to love for both of us
So I can say I must trust the years you invested
So today will become worthy
of all insatiable thirst for my strength
To rebirth