These Words Of My Own
Airport - Sao Paulo
As I sit here in this room full of strangers all going to different places, I wonder if there will be a man who will sit by my side, a handsome man who notices beauty, and will wonder what or why I´m writing with such a stern face.
This is how it happened, back in chemistry class, that is what captured me in him, the mistery of his words. Now, years have passed, love has come and gone, and I wish I had never wondered. And after all this time, I still don´t understand, I still am trying to unlock the mistery of how his words can still capture my soul into this labyrinth of false images.
What is the point of words and my fascination with them? Does what I write here have any meaning beyond superficial and temporary feelings? Does an added sentence or a word rewritten as a synonm really make a difference? Where can words take you when you don´t know what lies beneath the source?
I felt it, the blade, the cut, the news my heart already knew. He found another angel to light his dark path. I wonder if she is as strong as me, as real and as alive, as clear, natural, and earthy, as passionate and fiery as me. Probably not, and that´s probably exactly what he needed. Someone weaker, lighter, who settles for the external, for words, for the pleasures that mislead the truth only few of us are blessed enough to find inside. There is beauty in that, I know... an innocence linked to ignorance to everything a human being is supposed to leave behind. For the weaker warriors, it´s easier to breathe when there is nothing left to fight for.
I knew I felt a breeze blow dirty with ashes. I knew then that something had changed, and a moment of weakness was all he was waiting for to discard me like a lonely four among a sequence of aces.
I´m on my way to Buenos Aires. As soon as I step onto that plane, I won´t look outwards or backwards. I will only look into myself and find a stronger woman yet, with so much to give this world. All that was throw away somehow feels free from its burden now. The hope that was left lingering for too long disappeared and was set free, light as a bird, flying to new heights, flying towards a future where no barriers with names such as different cultures, distance, lack of passion and affection, inconsideration, insecurity, immaturity, drugs and alcohol, immigration and politics, empty morals and values, and empty dreams will ever be so tall. I know I have the strength to fly over them now.
I feel like a slave unchained, I never imagined this is what I needed to let him go.
There is happiness written along the lines of my palm, a twin soul who will fill in the gaps of everything I am, ain´t, and long to be. My free spirit is out there searching for the new, the unknown, longing to be graced by more beauty.
I see a gorgeous union with a man whose street will one day lay down upon mine... curvy, dangerous, challenging, but, no doubt, with the most beautiful scenery. I want a man who can be challenged with all I am, who can challenge me back, a man who will embrace and lick every inch of me letting me know he loves my darkness, my inner child, my old fashioned attitude and my endless need to always demand for the positive, for the good, the better in all that I do and love. A man strong and honorable enough to handle the fact that I will not accept anything less than true passion, ardent and carnal, a surrendering that will leave footprints staining even the whitest of snow.
I am my own inspiration after everything his love has put me through. My legs will get stronger from all the dancing I will do, my voice will be sweeter as I am coached to a perfect song, my fingertips will roughen with the strings of the guitar I will learn to play. I will focus to get better at things I love to know. I will perfect all these qualities and passions I have about myself and let it become my muse to mold. My love will be one that will grow more and more priceless to give only to someone who inspires me to be even a better person than I ever though I could. I want a brave man who doesn´t feel like my victim, he won´t run away from this need I have to always want justice, this power I have to always be true and selfless, this pureness I poses that always ends up chasing the less pure ones to misery.
I will find my way, and I don´t need all these words of my own to make a man see that I am worth everything, every sacrifice, and I deserve an offer of the sweetest life at my feet.
As I sit here in this room full of strangers all going to different places, I wonder if there will be a man who will sit by my side, a handsome man who notices beauty, and will wonder what or why I´m writing with such a stern face.
This is how it happened, back in chemistry class, that is what captured me in him, the mistery of his words. Now, years have passed, love has come and gone, and I wish I had never wondered. And after all this time, I still don´t understand, I still am trying to unlock the mistery of how his words can still capture my soul into this labyrinth of false images.
What is the point of words and my fascination with them? Does what I write here have any meaning beyond superficial and temporary feelings? Does an added sentence or a word rewritten as a synonm really make a difference? Where can words take you when you don´t know what lies beneath the source?
I felt it, the blade, the cut, the news my heart already knew. He found another angel to light his dark path. I wonder if she is as strong as me, as real and as alive, as clear, natural, and earthy, as passionate and fiery as me. Probably not, and that´s probably exactly what he needed. Someone weaker, lighter, who settles for the external, for words, for the pleasures that mislead the truth only few of us are blessed enough to find inside. There is beauty in that, I know... an innocence linked to ignorance to everything a human being is supposed to leave behind. For the weaker warriors, it´s easier to breathe when there is nothing left to fight for.
I knew I felt a breeze blow dirty with ashes. I knew then that something had changed, and a moment of weakness was all he was waiting for to discard me like a lonely four among a sequence of aces.
I´m on my way to Buenos Aires. As soon as I step onto that plane, I won´t look outwards or backwards. I will only look into myself and find a stronger woman yet, with so much to give this world. All that was throw away somehow feels free from its burden now. The hope that was left lingering for too long disappeared and was set free, light as a bird, flying to new heights, flying towards a future where no barriers with names such as different cultures, distance, lack of passion and affection, inconsideration, insecurity, immaturity, drugs and alcohol, immigration and politics, empty morals and values, and empty dreams will ever be so tall. I know I have the strength to fly over them now.
I feel like a slave unchained, I never imagined this is what I needed to let him go.
There is happiness written along the lines of my palm, a twin soul who will fill in the gaps of everything I am, ain´t, and long to be. My free spirit is out there searching for the new, the unknown, longing to be graced by more beauty.
I see a gorgeous union with a man whose street will one day lay down upon mine... curvy, dangerous, challenging, but, no doubt, with the most beautiful scenery. I want a man who can be challenged with all I am, who can challenge me back, a man who will embrace and lick every inch of me letting me know he loves my darkness, my inner child, my old fashioned attitude and my endless need to always demand for the positive, for the good, the better in all that I do and love. A man strong and honorable enough to handle the fact that I will not accept anything less than true passion, ardent and carnal, a surrendering that will leave footprints staining even the whitest of snow.
I am my own inspiration after everything his love has put me through. My legs will get stronger from all the dancing I will do, my voice will be sweeter as I am coached to a perfect song, my fingertips will roughen with the strings of the guitar I will learn to play. I will focus to get better at things I love to know. I will perfect all these qualities and passions I have about myself and let it become my muse to mold. My love will be one that will grow more and more priceless to give only to someone who inspires me to be even a better person than I ever though I could. I want a brave man who doesn´t feel like my victim, he won´t run away from this need I have to always want justice, this power I have to always be true and selfless, this pureness I poses that always ends up chasing the less pure ones to misery.
I will find my way, and I don´t need all these words of my own to make a man see that I am worth everything, every sacrifice, and I deserve an offer of the sweetest life at my feet.
posted by Adriana at 2:45 PM
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