I get up, I walk, I fall down... meanwhile, I keep dancing.
And this is my life.
I woke up this morning and there was nothing to do but to stay under the covers, crunch into a little ball, and feel lonely. Those are the moments that can catch you off guard and actually make you feel human. Not a robot pumping iron everyday out in this crazy demanding world. Oh, here I am again, playing around in the land of the free, home of the brave.
And people talk about this all the time, how life goes round and round and everything happens for a reason and you should keep your head up, stay positive, learn from your mistakes. Keep up like robots, warriors in famine, hunting for fullness, glory, love and passion as if it's springtime all the time.
And all I want to do is write, listen to music, and let these tears go. I find myself in a little perfect cage, warm, roomy, safe enough to rest and feel so incredibly small. At least I always manage to find my way, my spring, every few years, and the ice slowly melts into my little palm.
I am always saying a lot but seem to be saying nothing. I hope people understand. My head can be sick and I can select the worst people to stand behind me. This silence when everyone speaks wishing me the best without knowing what I need. I rather listen to foreign slang I could never identify with than to listen to these inner screams and desperate calls which torment me in such clear nights. Some may comment how I'm lost and how I need roots and I need a diploma and I say I need comfort and honesty and guarantees.
With nowhere to trust, to feel real, to learn how to dance, there is no living, there is no feeling that conceives anything that belongs. My play on words veils a mystery sitting at the tip of my tongue, and it cant explain in language how much I feel the need to love.
All the turns life makes in order for us to find where we belong. Its long journey whose songs speak in a baby's innocent laughter, in a mirage where your lovers hand gently cups your breast, in the caring eyes of a mother singing her child to sleep.
And that's where I want my life.
People can talk about the way it should be, how goodness is inside us all, and flesh can grow from scars. Living it is a whole new estate, and trembling, my heart still questions, still stalls and breathes heavy faced upon it.
I want a new topic to write about, a new sense to my days, a new life to my dreams.
So I don't need to wake up so lonely and bleeding, and I can welcome the rain and drink its sweetness. So I can see the cold as a means to summer and as a silver strand making me yet more divine.
I want a new love that cherishes the moments in which are quiet and still, alone in an embrace, in the face of my naked skin teaching what it means to leave all inhibitions behind. I want my summer of slow streets and sandy toes, a breath of fresh air, clean and pure and gentle and kind. A touch that numbs my lips to sugar, a life given to the mastery of my eyes, and softness to my face when I wake up safe in loves arms. I want a love that lingers where I lick, a mix of first and last, a trading of nice things you do from your heart every day. A love that brings out my best, my smile, makes me dance with sex and taste sweaty all the time.
Combine every warm chest my rest has ever known, every mouth I kissed, every finger I sucked, every dinner I cooked, and underwear I washed, and make it real again. Make this love deserve my senses and my wishes and make it real again.
Bravery, strength, attitude, beauty, truth. Its all been growing steadily; ready to be released once new love is ready to enter and to caress my side.
I can see it outside, in the about to snow sky, in this place where I can see the grayish blue through the dusty window and I can snuggle with little kitties of hope. The loneliness a certain peace, allowing me to forget everything that was, and letting everything that everyone says about love and happiness wash my insides. I wash my insides; I clean my soul of all the dirt my love left behind.
I get up, I walk, I fall down... Meanwhile, I keep dancing.
There is nothing left to do but let myself cry and work and laugh again and draw new conclusions about everything that I was, am, and will become from this.
And this is my new life.
I woke up this morning and there was nothing to do but to stay under the covers, crunch into a little ball, and feel lonely. Those are the moments that can catch you off guard and actually make you feel human. Not a robot pumping iron everyday out in this crazy demanding world. Oh, here I am again, playing around in the land of the free, home of the brave.
And people talk about this all the time, how life goes round and round and everything happens for a reason and you should keep your head up, stay positive, learn from your mistakes. Keep up like robots, warriors in famine, hunting for fullness, glory, love and passion as if it's springtime all the time.
And all I want to do is write, listen to music, and let these tears go. I find myself in a little perfect cage, warm, roomy, safe enough to rest and feel so incredibly small. At least I always manage to find my way, my spring, every few years, and the ice slowly melts into my little palm.
I am always saying a lot but seem to be saying nothing. I hope people understand. My head can be sick and I can select the worst people to stand behind me. This silence when everyone speaks wishing me the best without knowing what I need. I rather listen to foreign slang I could never identify with than to listen to these inner screams and desperate calls which torment me in such clear nights. Some may comment how I'm lost and how I need roots and I need a diploma and I say I need comfort and honesty and guarantees.
With nowhere to trust, to feel real, to learn how to dance, there is no living, there is no feeling that conceives anything that belongs. My play on words veils a mystery sitting at the tip of my tongue, and it cant explain in language how much I feel the need to love.
All the turns life makes in order for us to find where we belong. Its long journey whose songs speak in a baby's innocent laughter, in a mirage where your lovers hand gently cups your breast, in the caring eyes of a mother singing her child to sleep.
And that's where I want my life.
People can talk about the way it should be, how goodness is inside us all, and flesh can grow from scars. Living it is a whole new estate, and trembling, my heart still questions, still stalls and breathes heavy faced upon it.
I want a new topic to write about, a new sense to my days, a new life to my dreams.
So I don't need to wake up so lonely and bleeding, and I can welcome the rain and drink its sweetness. So I can see the cold as a means to summer and as a silver strand making me yet more divine.
I want a new love that cherishes the moments in which are quiet and still, alone in an embrace, in the face of my naked skin teaching what it means to leave all inhibitions behind. I want my summer of slow streets and sandy toes, a breath of fresh air, clean and pure and gentle and kind. A touch that numbs my lips to sugar, a life given to the mastery of my eyes, and softness to my face when I wake up safe in loves arms. I want a love that lingers where I lick, a mix of first and last, a trading of nice things you do from your heart every day. A love that brings out my best, my smile, makes me dance with sex and taste sweaty all the time.
Combine every warm chest my rest has ever known, every mouth I kissed, every finger I sucked, every dinner I cooked, and underwear I washed, and make it real again. Make this love deserve my senses and my wishes and make it real again.
Bravery, strength, attitude, beauty, truth. Its all been growing steadily; ready to be released once new love is ready to enter and to caress my side.
I can see it outside, in the about to snow sky, in this place where I can see the grayish blue through the dusty window and I can snuggle with little kitties of hope. The loneliness a certain peace, allowing me to forget everything that was, and letting everything that everyone says about love and happiness wash my insides. I wash my insides; I clean my soul of all the dirt my love left behind.
I get up, I walk, I fall down... Meanwhile, I keep dancing.
There is nothing left to do but let myself cry and work and laugh again and draw new conclusions about everything that I was, am, and will become from this.
And this is my new life.
posted by Adriana at 2:54 PM
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