Why?

I know I'm not supposed to feel
I know I am meant to heal

and I rhyme in all obvious ways
because they say everyone experiences the same

love has hurt me
love has gone away,
love will come again
someday

and I'm supposed to move on
I type so fast I can't feel my fingertips
I laugh in distraught mistakes in vain I lean
on a day where I will make love that way again
gain a strength that I can't build on my own
I can pretend, I can fight till the end
and I can crumble when he lays his hand upon mine

and kisses the places where I dreamt and licks my senses
blind with insence and lost in blind hopes as lusty breath tenses
my breath tenses

Why? Why am I so loving to him
why do I hope within that he will hope to be mine
and turn into my, my man so divine

I am so blind
the piano plays in keys flat and monotone
childish am I... childish am I...

I write about the same all the time
same man, same burned out split open insides

Why? Why am I so blind and can't get through my withins
can't cry anymore
can't dive any deeper
can't take these daily chores staring at a waveless shore
without the love I felt so much, I am the tear
the tear keeper
the binding soul colorblind to the weakness

in his death smile

in his "love", I am weaker