Dear Mother

Chicken bones salt this mesh in soup
closures and entries laugh in a joker so empty
sparkling shoes that only look expensive
friendly feet walk around my new blue house
Trousers in a pile left as is in my room
A lonely stove dusty with little use
Nothing bothers me so easily
no one to carry me
no one to marry me
no mom to bathe me in tears of joy
I became a full woman when you weren't looking
I received steel drunk archives locked in a trunk
only bloody droplets brought by resentment and regret
a pulling force shows my weakness
Breathe mother, live for me, so I don't need to live for both of us
how can I be so full in wrath and beauty?
when your womb only taught me resourceful cruelty
I hear you dying; I resent your crying,
and I die along your drowning river
I change my ways those days you love me so much
or make me feel guilty for taking my life in in full
You want me to waste away with you
and you scream when I refuse to
I walk around my happy home
cheery with the unforgiving sun among the clouds
I watch the night welcome me in whispering calm
a clammy day rests in my sweet abode
Looks are deceiving
you'll never understand
where my misplaced stone stare lays
because it needs to be that way
or else you will cut me by the root and suck me dry
of everything I've built on my own after you died inside
Let me go to be my own caretaker
Try to be half the way I pictured you from my crib
The way I remember you waving smiling
As I rode away in the scary school bus
Smiling
As I reached your suffering hug
After three years without its unmistakable scent
Sobbing I realize
I cant adopt a mother broken in two
I love and I hate the things you put me through
And I forgive as your hazel eyes squint so lost
When no man has ever taken your beauty
for the realness it was
your ash hair and freckled skin in innocent surrender
You never learned or forgot how to love tender forever
Try a little harder
So I don't need to love for both of us
So I can say I must trust the years you invested
So today will become worthy
of all insatiable thirst for my strength
To rebirth

Lost in a moment

Acoustic whispers sweet in song
play my sad ears to a tender peace
His finger move in a loving rhythm
while caressing my lower back
The air is heavy with the rain
left over from a passing storm
The sky still screams in lightning
I pinch myself and look out at the water
The birds are in a pretend natural environment
The voices turn blurry with fog
disintegrating in the humid distance
I feel my thick long hair dancing wearily
at the will of a random muggy wind
As my teary eyes float towards the dim horizon
I finally lose myself to a cry
only to find a here so far-away from today
Once I arrived, I didn't know
how I ever walked this far
He would watch me move silently
and check in on a truth hidden in my smile
as I took brave steps towards his burden hug
Nice to meet you, he stared
Lost in the moment gone off track
A man new in depth and weight
He reads my handwritten poetry
Wonders why the sentences tilt lower
as they explore the paper and lengthen
all over expressed in secrets
I want him to know I'm not here to ask
or explain or understand
Only to allow myself to feel
To believe aware of the gaps and leaps
Missing inside my broken heart
He stands up straight and gently weeps
I feel a point breaking
and I gather the woman I am meant to be
For him not to bleed
in our unexplored world of lovers
For him not to turn his back on a true friend
So I can always hold the clear promise
of the strength of a steel soul
left over in the melody living inside me

Picture Me Nightly

Skin and taste it
A proper word that doesnt fit
A writer awake among the craters of the moon
A cross among the rice field
A crack on my spine
Roses in full bloom
Her dress is teal and the beach fluffs it sparkling
Carry me nightly
Carry me nightly
A breast in milk
Espresso eyes and hair
I take a chair and sit till it snaps
A diamond I lost in the sandy steps
Pinot noir is my choice and the couch is our haven
I see skin and taste it
I let it
Carry me nightly
Carry me nightly
We are the high society in anxiety
Stripped to naked
I feel sick from his magic fingers laced in mine
Shivers tremble my inner thighs
And the river flows
Sweet as the smell of gardenia drenched in cinnamon liqueur
Full lips, knowing tongue, thick composure
He takes the cheeks and dives to drink it
And a strong strange love sings in the background
Picture
Frozen in my page of loneliness
The black scented breath on my neck
The thumb caresses over tender painful eyes
The heat is too much so we drop in the ice
Balancing acts and lipstick stains
High heels and secrets
I dream with love in my veins
As the shadows come back to
Carry me nightly
Carry me nightly

Children of God

Calluses hold his hands from working out in the field

Earning a few dollars a day

He comes home to his always cheerful and welcoming wife

To his laughing children playing barefoot on the street

He prays and as he prays

Their world is guaranteed such a small place

A family who counts pennies to buy milk

Smiles when the ice cream truck passes by

Mouths water while watching the sugar cone

Melt away their childhood desires

Fumbling, he wipes his dark working hands

On his raggedy shirt, reaches into his pocket

And gives each child half of an old piece of gum

Just so he doesnt go to sleep feeling so guilty

Wash wash until her hands start to bleed

Everything is poor, she says,

But at least we keep our dignity

And everything is kept honest and sparkling clean

At least to the naked eye

Or until someone breaks down and cries

And so its our story,

Mom bathes us in her love

Dad lifts us up in his tired arms

Tickling and giggling we are satisfied

In our passed down sneakers and bruised knees

We climb trees and walk a mile to the beach

Roll up old socks into a ball

And kick it into a soccer match

Innocence is our means in a place where guns are merciless

Death is more likely than ever falling in love

Hunger more likely than education

And drugs arent a choice, its a way

Its an inert definition

We are the children of the slums

Living in the city of God, they say,

But to us, God is a constant vacation

We are the nightmare hidden in worthless wonder

Ready to be initiated into the devils service

And ripped of our distant dreams of becoming like you

Yes, you, sitting on your leather couch playing your video games

Playing little league in the summer

Taking swimming lessons at the YMCA

Do you hear me crying?

Do you know I exist?

Within the cobweb streets of my hills,

In the dirt of my soil

Under suspecting eyes of many foreigners and strangers

I challenge the strength of my tiny soul

As its erected with every mouthful of food I get denied

My rage boils as I learn from every drug dealer

What its like to be like you, wearing your Prada

I never imagined you complaining

About eating your macaroni and cheese

Or having to do your homework

Or having to keep your room clean

Ignorance ingrained in the suffering youll never know

At least we have our dignity, holy trinity

We appreciate the few times a cracked smile materializes

Knowing we have each other in our sad unfortunate reality

And in our inadvertently hollow existence

While our God is still in Tahiti

Each day is considered a blessing

Each blessing is considered a chance

And each chance is another seed planted inside

Our little black box of hopes

Dead Tomorrow

A crow flying over a carcass
It swoops low to the ground
Eagerly tears the bleeding flesh
Survival of the fittest is what they tell me
And the killing lives majestically as time grows old
A calming quiet breeze circles the canyon
Dryness stings as crisp as the sun
Desert creatures watching a feast being savored
And God smiles agreeably
While his endless cycle takes center stage

I am the main attraction
God's pupil, an aspiring actress
Perfection is the way I play death
And curve as they rip my wings apart
A poke in the eye already blind with agony
A bite that punctures my deflated lung
Chewing sounds and then a swallow
I hear clapping
It may appear to those watching
Everything is going according to Gods plan
But the devil wears a disguise
What's really happening
They are chewing me alive
With the promise of a pitiless and abandoned tomorrow

Fairy Tale Stories

An essence takes this night
Rock and Roll fills this smoky room
Our song carries me into a black magic trance
A heavy weightless sigh welcomes me into my lonely space
A charted man carries my beauty
and he stings the flesh so weak in texture
A love blind in all its six senses
A love lived through all my unfortunatly lost chances

I'm a month too late, can't be mine
He's a month too early, can't be his
don't know how to show him pure
or prove myself capable of bliss
my lust still longs for a once fairy tale kiss
tell me how I can lay beside
A lifeless man so always there, so mine
I drew the line
I locked the dead inside so I would punish love
so I wouldn't see him shine
and have only my suffering to think of