Beautiful

These men in their dark suits
stroll by me and trip on their own feet
I pass by blankly leaving a scent of lime undulating
This air I poses blinds the sun
and even teenagers peaking puberty
can't resist a look at my curvy walk
I am so beautiful

At night, dancing makes me sweaty
I love this pleasure given by movement
a sexual act of its own
a wave of sensuality feeds off the beat,
the drum my heart plays against my chest
I can feel everything
I look so beautiful

A stolen kiss always gone wrong
my discomfort grows as people stare in awe
it just doesn't feel good enough
it feels I should be hidden
locked inside a precious stone kept in a shadow
until his eyes reveal me in a smile
and make be feel so beautiful

I don't want any one's attention
I don't need to be recognized
I don't care to impress another man
My gut yells I belong to his stare alone
nothing that I give today is in the right place
When I see myself as his to have
to be kept so beautiful

No one inspires a dance
like when his body looks to me under candlelight
I walk swaying my hips hoping he is feeling it
I smell as sweet as he once told me he liked
I drink just enough to stay sober
so I can say no to all his useless contenders
who keep saying "you are so beautiful"

I dance dreaming it is like making love to his soul
I take his hands and place them on my bare waist
our sweetness blending into a new song
as memories place us back in that glass room
our heavenly longing satiates
as angel snowflakes pile around our nest
we are so beautiful

Across the seas lives this yearning
my lungs inhale it's magic churning
My passion won't be able to rest purely
until I can surrender to his call
and I swear that if this isn't real
then my love knows nothing at all
about loving something so beautiful

Honestly

There was a time when a sad wave
kept me from being honest with myself
and I could not read in the lines of the day
what it meant to love someone.

I look around at the prize of where I am
for leaving this gift behind too heavy
and I cherish the comfort where my head lays
and the lives that I share with pride.
I know my future is in my hands
and I can tell I can do nothing but succeed
at the demands of this world so sure
so replete with happiness and guarantees.

So why do I feel this part is lonely?
This part where I walk alone on a strange road
everything simplified in many dandy ways
but still an emptiness makes each step full
strangely darker since each minute is a breath farther
from this man my love so fondly speaks of.

To have him here
to share in these moments
to see the sunshine through the branches of my tears
to sit on the shade and hear birds sing my melody
to breathe the humid air
to discover the smell of wet earth
to watch rose buds bloom
into passion flowers as he touches my cheek
his presence
would intensify all my pleasures
like silence tenses once inside a chapel.

So I pray that this ride moves faster
so I can get to my destination and explain this in goose flesh
hoping he feels empty too without me there
inside his castle in the clouds
trading spaces with a whisper, a pillow, a song
holding his most sincere intentions
to be released again when I walk through his door.

Even though the ages and the miles and the new
might spread these memories throughout windy seasons
I'm so glad that I can look at us and know
how a blessing can affect a life
how the warmth of my lover's smile was worth every sacrifice
I know now that I am a woman with no bounds
no secrets, no fears, no lies
and that this loneliness I feel is the truth unfolding
its this that my heart knows how to speak about so honestly
because he has taught me the miracle
of what it truly means to love someone with no disguise.

Son

And the mind chimes in again
the tick of the clock stops, depending
on its position on the wall
The silence comes again
The night is a servitude to my dreams
blank with the new tomorrow
in which he laughs at my strength
and buries his face on her breasts
leaving this destiny between our ghosts
to decide in the aftermath.
Not in this lifetime, yet
will our baby spread my womb
and an angel will sing with his beauty
stamped on posters throughout heaven.
Footprints by little sandals on a dirt road
his little feet full with us
sparkling and dreamy like us...
Maybe in the next lifetime, I say.
And today comes in pronouns
short stories, calendars
and so far away lies are dancing
in your room full with her
each day strutting new convincing hopes
that you won't need to face my love
ever again, so it doesn't burn
through your priceless days of work
at being everything I always
dreamt you were not.

And may the power of my words
wrapped inside a small box of silver
inspire a new love over this river
who slipped between my fingers
in spite of the signs that were given.
I rest in peace with the image
of our son running toward me
telling his mommy in a smile
everything in life only lives
if you truly believe in it.

Your Missing

Every real feeling feels careless
as I lay here
midst dry grass fields
My red sneakers
lazily resting on the ground
Everything feels careless
'cause nothing ever feels like us
I long for it, the breath
that image of some passionate drawing
This emptiness paints an orange cloud
upon this ripe blue sky
This night unfolds silently
as the birds go to sleep
upon overgrown branches
The thought of your hands
the imperfections
I learned to love so perfectly
This breeze calls me to you
it sinks deep within my pores
This pink sun sets
and my tears drop
at the beauty
of this divine moment
When you´re here
choking me with your
Missing.

Toxic On The Outside

Sunday morning calls for a new beginning
A new attitude towards this beast starring me in the eyes
I recall the youth inside, a child's manner
in the way he'd stand uncomfortable
because I asked him not to smoke pot
so I wouldn't be uncomfortable with the littleness
he'd become, like a mortal weak
sinking lower, making me taller
putting aside appearances otherwise.
The new today may let him drown
in this ecstasy, these feeling I don't believe in,
since Sundays I go to church
and God speaks to me of truth,
not Hail Marys or statues
but light, fixed and focused, living deep
in craters built by a hand unknown
where doves flutter peace and love
burried inside the mystery that is my heart.
There, God tells me silently of how it's supposed to be
of how the pleasure felt outwards
only shine so brightly till it dies
till it needs a fuel not found
by the treasures of mankind,
a fire that can feed the soul into a space
fertil with fruit, real in gold,
ripe with life, immortal in beauty.
That day, that night
when he'd touch me not afraid to love me
when I let him carry me in his strong arms
when the distance was a blink away
and there was no battle to be fought or won.
That was pure. We didn't need the outward.
We only knew we were blessed among the lost
He only felt it was too much to feel this genuine
I only felt it was too good for my own good
and the blueness that the years carried us through
makes today filled with the outside
misplaced on the inside, where I still search for his eyes
where delicacies are sour without his kiss
where he digs to find where he can become himself
when someone will let his lungs burn to a black toxic
from the savory cigarrets I hated so much
Where I try to forget I know how to be loved
only to want to make him white and heal again.

El Sueño......... The Dream

The dream

Walking on the sands
I decided to leave you.

I stepped on dark mud
that trembled,
and sinking and leaving
I decided that you should leave
me, that you weighed me down
like a sharp rock,
and I elaborated your loss
pace by pace:
cut your roots
freed you alone in the wind.

Oh, in this moment,
my heart, a dream
with its terrible wings
covered you.

You felt swallowed by the mud,
and called me but I didn´t answer,
you left, imobile,
without defending yourself
until drowning in the mouth of sand.

After
My decision met with your dream,
and since the break
that had broken our soul,
we appeared clean again, naked,
loving each other
without dream, without sand,
complete and radiant,
sealed by the fire.

I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS POEM BY PABLO NERUDA… I TRANSLATED IT FROM SPANISH THE BEST I COULD…
BESOS!!!

The Pier

A glass of red wine
I can see it’s alive
With these tears of mine
Mixing to form and transform
My undying will
To love, to love
Let me love you
Take my hand
Show me your smile again
Let me carry you to that night
Where we first kissed
Where you can walk
Along the pier these days
Where you see me in the river
Where you can feel my cool breeze
When you first spot the bridge
Let me remind you
Of this beauty that refuses
To dry off
Time is sore with the moments
I’m missing you
Let it be
Again, along your shores
Where I’ll travel so far
To see the sun rise and set
By your side
Let me shine with you
To be free to love you
Is the dream
It’s my dream
In which life doesn’t live
Without

Take it all Away

Take it all away
The heaviness I feel is deafening
Take me away
Back again
Back to those nights
You slept breathing on my soul
The comfort too much for comfort
The clock keeps ticking
Time doesn’t stand still for us anymore
I pray here all alone
staring in the mirror at a solemn woman
faded to scars
faded to a shade much darker
left to stand in the shadows
By your hand that lead
To a shade of nothingness
Take it all away
Take me away
God, please take it all from me
So I can believe in beauty again
The colors of my world
are meant to paint the new
so I can see myself shine as before
for I can’t live with all these
memories
of the way you saw me through
to be nothing but a sore painting
of all I ever fought for
for you
only so you could
Give it all away

These Words Of My Own

Airport - Sao Paulo

As I sit here in this room full of strangers all going to different places, I wonder if there will be a man who will sit by my side, a handsome man who notices beauty, and will wonder what or why I´m writing with such a stern face.

This is how it happened, back in chemistry class, that is what captured me in him, the mistery of his words. Now, years have passed, love has come and gone, and I wish I had never wondered. And after all this time, I still don´t understand, I still am trying to unlock the mistery of how his words can still capture my soul into this labyrinth of false images.

What is the point of words and my fascination with them? Does what I write here have any meaning beyond superficial and temporary feelings? Does an added sentence or a word rewritten as a synonm really make a difference? Where can words take you when you don´t know what lies beneath the source?

I felt it, the blade, the cut, the news my heart already knew. He found another angel to light his dark path. I wonder if she is as strong as me, as real and as alive, as clear, natural, and earthy, as passionate and fiery as me. Probably not, and that´s probably exactly what he needed. Someone weaker, lighter, who settles for the external, for words, for the pleasures that mislead the truth only few of us are blessed enough to find inside. There is beauty in that, I know... an innocence linked to ignorance to everything a human being is supposed to leave behind. For the weaker warriors, it´s easier to breathe when there is nothing left to fight for.

I knew I felt a breeze blow dirty with ashes. I knew then that something had changed, and a moment of weakness was all he was waiting for to discard me like a lonely four among a sequence of aces.

I´m on my way to Buenos Aires. As soon as I step onto that plane, I won´t look outwards or backwards. I will only look into myself and find a stronger woman yet, with so much to give this world. All that was throw away somehow feels free from its burden now. The hope that was left lingering for too long disappeared and was set free, light as a bird, flying to new heights, flying towards a future where no barriers with names such as different cultures, distance, lack of passion and affection, inconsideration, insecurity, immaturity, drugs and alcohol, immigration and politics, empty morals and values, and empty dreams will ever be so tall. I know I have the strength to fly over them now.

I feel like a slave unchained, I never imagined this is what I needed to let him go.

There is happiness written along the lines of my palm, a twin soul who will fill in the gaps of everything I am, ain´t, and long to be. My free spirit is out there searching for the new, the unknown, longing to be graced by more beauty.

I see a gorgeous union with a man whose street will one day lay down upon mine... curvy, dangerous, challenging, but, no doubt, with the most beautiful scenery. I want a man who can be challenged with all I am, who can challenge me back, a man who will embrace and lick every inch of me letting me know he loves my darkness, my inner child, my old fashioned attitude and my endless need to always demand for the positive, for the good, the better in all that I do and love. A man strong and honorable enough to handle the fact that I will not accept anything less than true passion, ardent and carnal, a surrendering that will leave footprints staining even the whitest of snow.

I am my own inspiration after everything his love has put me through. My legs will get stronger from all the dancing I will do, my voice will be sweeter as I am coached to a perfect song, my fingertips will roughen with the strings of the guitar I will learn to play. I will focus to get better at things I love to know. I will perfect all these qualities and passions I have about myself and let it become my muse to mold. My love will be one that will grow more and more priceless to give only to someone who inspires me to be even a better person than I ever though I could. I want a brave man who doesn´t feel like my victim, he won´t run away from this need I have to always want justice, this power I have to always be true and selfless, this pureness I poses that always ends up chasing the less pure ones to misery.

I will find my way, and I don´t need all these words of my own to make a man see that I am worth everything, every sacrifice, and I deserve an offer of the sweetest life at my feet.

Worthless Rhymes

This I dedicate to my deepest and strongest of loves. A love lost in the midst of words left unsaid, left misunderstood. A love lost among actions not taken, among fear, lost in the distance and in bad timing. A love lost in the midst of too many hellos and too many goodbyes. A love lost in the midst of all painful expectations life created for it. A love I will never forget, its memories will be forever like candy on my tongue, it will burn its faint red glow inside of me till I die, reminding me that there is pureness inside of me, that there is beauty in the world, and that heaven and the angels still exist. Thank you for teaching me what it means to love unconditionally and for letting me put it into practice with you as long as I did. I wish you nothing less than true happiness.

WORTHLESS RHYMES

Bleeding thoughts rest in anger
My night rolls on as I surrender
Your cold blade has cut me through
It’s for sure now; this love was never meant to be true

I looked around me today
God answers my wishes when I pray
The sun shone strong upon my ocean
Giving hope I will surpass this emotion

Lingering sweet feelings when I try to sleep
Force me to grab a pen and write so deep
About this painful love unworthy
About your words, how I wish they were trustworthy

This man you are now
I still know you the same mistake somehow
Your intentions always short of good
If you knew you could love me right just once, you would?

My bloody tears stain my hopes with nowhere left to go
I imagine if I could mold you like dough
I’d add more flour so you don’t stick
Round you pointy edges so you’d be safe enough to lick

Add more sugar to take out your sour
Then check on you in the oven every half hour
Suck my fingers and let your unforgettable taste remind me
Of how I dreamt life one day could be

A veil, a vow, a marriage along a white sandy beach
In stride, we’d carry each other as high up as we could reach
I’d give you babies with my captivating smile and your pretty hazel eyes
Through all, we’d make each other laugh in happiness greater than bright blue skies

I need to separate reality from this dream
Pick up the pieces of my heart that fell in between
I can’t believe in your eyes or you laughter
Your halfway initiatives tell me there is another woman you’re after
And loving you can only bring my soul more disaster

I saw the dirt road to that hotel
With the shirtless man and spooky mademoiselle
It made me cringe at the beauty we once were
And at how I always ignored your carelessness before

This evil haunts me everywhere I go
I seem to never learn from each harder blow
That tries to push me into happier things
But how do I learn to fly with broken wings?

I think about how we’d make love until we lost sense of time
Today all I have here are these worthless rhymes
To try to makes sense of the reason I still cry
For a man who sees me choking but let’s me die

And you still compared your sadness to mine
The love doctor says your disease is benign
What you offered is not pure
If it was, you would never be this hesitant or insecure

You’d show me actions of caring
You’d search for my lips, and once found
Couldn’t stop staring
You’d realize when my aim is out of range
Step up, and be my angel for a change

You’d make up constellations with the freckles on my skin
You’d treat me as your most precious prize, even if you didn’t win
You’d offer me a home so I could lay my head to rest
You’d pull me to your chest and say don’t worry baby
I know you’re giving me your best
Not everything in life needs to be a test

I can write endlessly about things you would and should
As I try to convince myself that I wouldn’t give you another chance
Even if I could
Because, above everything, I love and value myself
And all those things you weren’t, I can find in someone else

So from now on, I kneel down and I swear
That a stronger armor against broken promises and illusions I will wear
That I won’t dedicate my life to this man who I so hopelessly love
But to a man who hopelessly loves and cherishes me
Over heaven’s above